I hate your face
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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