Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
