Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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