I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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