my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
