HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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