This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
