Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
