Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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