we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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