I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
