the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
