If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
