The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
