I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
