i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
