jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
