I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
