oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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