I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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