Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
