Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
