operation harelip BJ is a go
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
