apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
