were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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