Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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