U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
