Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In other news, I just burned my penis
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
