Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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