Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
