Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
