when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
