Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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