There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize