covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
