Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
