i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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