The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize