Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize