weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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