Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
