Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
