Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
