I love black thongs
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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