The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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