I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
