I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
