when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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