dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
