So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
