I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize