this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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