I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
