It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Im part way to drunk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
