The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
