I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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