At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
