i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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