i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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