One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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