Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
