You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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