I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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