you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
