Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
