hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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