I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
