You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think your dad took our porno
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
