that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
