First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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