My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
